Tuesday, December 18, 2007

no no a thousand times no

i keep thinking of all the reasons against it, keep reminding myself why it's not a good idea, but still the possibility is there. i have no intention of acting on it. it's probably just proximity. maybe it's just a reminder that i'm not as much of a vestal as i thought. maybe it's just that i'm tired, my defenses are down, i'm not thinking clearly. maybe i'm just lonely. it's not a good idea. it's not. really not good. i'm tired, he's there, that' s all. it comes to nothing. the fact that i am so analytical about it, so coldblooded, that' s a tip-off that i'm not that into it. a long laundry list of why not against the simple fact that he's growing on me. i don't need this. i don't want this. work is work. other stuff is other stuff. it's best to keep them separate.

1 comment:

Ginger said...

so i guess you're still not convinced that he's gay...or maybe the potential unavailability is what makes the attraction so....attractive.

try this, sit in meditation and put all romanticism and criticism is their separate compartments-lock them up tight and just look at it for what it is. it's okay to have a crush, it helps to simplify when you look at your motivation though.

it's only a suggestion, i'm not trying to analyze you or tell you what to do.