no no a thousand times no

i keep thinking of all the reasons against it, keep reminding myself why it's not a good idea, but still the possibility is there. i have no intention of acting on it. it's probably just proximity. maybe it's just a reminder that i'm not as much of a vestal as i thought. maybe it's just that i'm tired, my defenses are down, i'm not thinking clearly. maybe i'm just lonely. it's not a good idea. it's not. really not good. i'm tired, he's there, that' s all. it comes to nothing. the fact that i am so analytical about it, so coldblooded, that' s a tip-off that i'm not that into it. a long laundry list of why not against the simple fact that he's growing on me. i don't need this. i don't want this. work is work. other stuff is other stuff. it's best to keep them separate.