Wednesday, December 26, 2007

baby steps

remember the days before digital cameras, when we'd shoot tons of pictures, get them back, often as twin prints, and wind up with tons of out-of-focus, what on earth is this bits of paper? i went through many years worth of those today, sorted through my box of collage supplies, cleaned my room, sorted some other papers in preparation for taxes. baby steps in preparation for moving, at some point.

i don't want to do it all in a rush. i want to take my time, get things like taxes and chocolate season over with. i need to work out a rational budget, see where i stand with withholding, what my cash flow looks like without the second job. which i quit today - to my very core i could not bear the idea of continuing that drive up to boulder and back every thursday night after being at wen all day.

i feel guilty about taking puppy away from her yard; but she'll adapt. i'll adapt back to the routine of having to take her for walks; she loves going for walks, she doesn't care where or for how long.

it's not that they're horrible people, there are some things i like about the current arrangement. but i think we're all stifling each other in some ways. i need a living space without other humans, who either take my stuff without asking or are ostentasious about asking my permission. i need puppy with me to keep from hibernating.

i also took a good long nap this afternoon, under the quilt with puppy curled up behind me. i was dreaming about making truffles. i don't know what puppy dreamed. probably something about bunnies bringing cookies.

so i'll take my time, address the issue gradually. try to do the thing with grace. try to avoid the 'make it bad so it will be easier to go' scenario. it's just time to move on. it is what it is. no need for drama.


Ginger said...

i applaud your courage and calm...really...this was nice to read too.

vesta said...

thanks :)