Wednesday, January 30, 2008

5-7-5 venting

work is up in air

chef threatens to close the doors

red tape makes him nuts

think he's just venting

being big gay drama queen

at least i hope so

we have new kitchen

now we don' t have new kitchen

it's always something

no more contractor

they do the withholding now

yay w-2

i enoy haiku

like magnetic poetry

thoughts must be focused

Sunday, January 20, 2008

imaginary gardens with real toads

Poetry is the art of creating imaginary gardens with real toads,
I don't know who said that
but I like it

It conjures up images of a watercolor garden

fantastical flowers made of silk
every leaf and petal
meticulously beaded with dew
and there in the center
on the velvet grass
is a giant spotted toad
glistening with slime
squat and lumpy
flesh and blood
surrounded by the lifeless
imitation of a garden

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

clearing the air

tonight i sat down with b for that talk about the rent situation, calmly, without accusation. turns out l has been paying rent; she pays a few months at a time when she gets her disbursement. b was surprised that i thought she wasn't paying; i said that i had thought that if rent was going three ways, my share would go down. since it hadn't, i assumed. my rent has been recalculated; i should have spoken up before this, i would have avoided a lot of anger and misery.

Monday, January 7, 2008

tank, sweet tank

today was serious cleaning day for the aquarium. it felt good.

after our walk this morning, puppy and i went to petsmart for new filters. puppy seems to enjoy going to petsmart; she practically runs into the store. and smells everything. and gets a cookie at the register, which she eats on the spot. she's come a long way.....

i realized today that quite a bit of my current issues about the current living situation are all my own stuff. i spent hours in my head griping and being bitter. to the point where i missed a lot of the walk. some things do need to be said and cleared up, such as why am i subsidizing l's living expenses for months on end, when no one asked my consent or ability to do so. a lot of it is my tendency to keep everything inside until i explode. not healthy. so, i need to speak up, from a place of calmness. not the paranoid they're out to get me, just using me for my money place.

cleaning the tank was very calming. for me. the fish seemed a bit irritated. the cat seemed very interested; the drop in water level made fishing seem like a more realistic option. he was thwarted in this desire, as he so often is. as we all are.

it was beautiful out this morning, and i missed much of it, even though i was outside. now it's gray and beginning to snow, beautiful in it's own way. i'm present enough to notice.

Friday, January 4, 2008


I don't have trouble posting photos on this blog, so why is it such a trauma on Multiply? My photo albums don't work, photos I put in blog entries don't work, most of the time I can't see other people's photos. It used to work, I don't know why it doesn't anymore. Multiply claims to be working on it, but that's what they said about the blog photos, which made a brief appearance before going back into oblivion. it's vexing.

IJAD is looming - I want to be anywhere else. I haven't invited anyone because then I would have to attend. L is driving me nuts - she's in a manic state and is almost always here. she starts school again next week - I'm going to try to coordinate my days off to be days she's up in Boulder. I need some freakin' alone time.
Today I tried out the am portion of David Carradine's AM/PM Tai Chi - it was awesome. So relaxing and calming, I may be doing that routine alot over the next couple of weeks. I got it from the library, I will probably buy this one.

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

new year?

i have no sense of a fresh start
of a slate wiped clean
the year does not feel brand new
it never does
it's the fallow time between harvest and planting
cold and bleak
the time of waiting in the darkness
planning for the spring
while living in the winter

pagan new year makes some sense
the year ends at samhain with the late harvest
and the world rests in darkness
until the winter solstice
it's gradual
and organic
not a sudden throwing of a switch
or the dropping of a ball

new year at spring equinox makes more sense
the earth is waking up
plants are sprouting
animals bear their young
the world feels new and fresh

who decided that january first was a good time
for the new year
and stuck it in between christmas and twelfth night
maybe they were tired of holidays
and wanted to get them all over with in a lump

it doesn't feel like a new year
no amount of bright lights and raucous parties
can make it so
it's artificial
and somehow desparate
frenzied merrymaking to distract from the fact that
Time is moving along
and can't be stopped
so drink too much booze
and stay up too late
and start off with a hangover
so its pounding can sound like a gallows drum
while resolutions are made for the coming year

i have no resolutions
because they are harsh
i drank water
because i was thirsty
i went to bed at 8:30
because i was tired

the calendar says it's a new year
in my world
it's tuesday