Saturday, December 8, 2007

sometimes

sometimes i wish i lived by myself. no roommates, just puppy and the fish. the kitchen sink has been dripping for a while. b's solution has been to turn the hot water off unless it's being used. she gets all weepy and scared when told she needs to deal with it; it's her house. i said i'd help her with it, but she needs to take the initiative. last night i came home after yet another 11 hour day to find that someone had put a dish bucket in the kitchen sink and left it to catch the drips. it was overflowing into the sink. a couple more hours it would have overflowed onto the counter. i got soaking wet trying to empty it enough to lift. i left it on the counter with a note - the faucet is fixed, whoever left this in the sink can deal with it. i haven't seen either of them today; i left for work before they got up. tonight b is at a party, and l hasn't come out of her room. whether it's l trying to make a point to b, or one or both of them being passive-aggressive, i'm the one who got stuck with the mess. again. i didn't want to go to the hardware store and fix the damn faucet after working all day. deal with water everywhere while the culprits were off at a party.
they have their good points. i love them. but today i wanted to just stay at work rather than come home. i was calculating how much it would cost to live on my own. whether or not to take puppy. i learned while housesitting for chef that i can't leave puppy for a long time anymore, so she'd have to come with me. or i stay here until she dies. which could be years, happily she's a very healthy girl. i don't think i want to stay here for years. i don't like feeling obligated to stay here. i don't like that l doesn't pay rent. it's b's business, but it affects me. if l was paying her share, mine (and b's )would go down. i'm tired of l getting to impose her standards of cleanliness on the whole household - wtf. i'm sorry her mom's a crazy filthy packrat whose house is infested with vermin, but that doesn't mean everyone has to cater to l's compulsions. i really don't care if a dish or two is left in the sink overnight; it won' t keep me up.
i don't like living here right now. i don't feel like putting up with b's need for physical affection. sometimes i just don't want to be touched.
sometimes i just want to find my stuff in the same place i left it. i want my stuff where i want it. sometimes i just want my own space. my own physical space, not just a page in cyberspace.
sometimes, i just want to be left the hell alone.

2 comments:

Ginger said...

yup. i totally and completely empathize with you. i know exactly what you're going through because i was you-kind of-for a time.

i called b tonight to say hi and she said that l was really sick so that would explain not leaving the room.

i would take puppy now and we could share custody to accommodate our extended work hours, but there are no dogs allowed here. if it comes down to it i can inquire with the owners about their other properties and their pet policies.

you probably don't need all this rambling and not really helpfulness right now. oh gosh, i hope you don't have to get another blog to keep me from reading it! I'll stop coming here if you want the privacy (said in an english accent).

anyway, you should go meditate. i'll do the same. XOXO

vesta said...

i do not need to get another blog. i don't need to move today, but i can start planning for it.