Cupcakes, Unemployment & Huge Tracts of Land

If I'd followed the example of my great-aunt Kitty, I'd be a well-to-do widow having a fling with the young man next door right about now. The opportunity to marry at all, let alone well, hasn't presented itself. At this point, it seems unlikely that it ever will. I don't seem to be made for that.

There are moments, especially now that I'm unemployed, that marriage sounds like a reasonable idea. I notice that I have the old-fashioned idea of marriage, the idea of marriage as an economic arrangement. The 'yes, she's plain and old, but she has huge tracts of land. ' and 'yes, he's surly, but he has 10,000 a year and owns half of Derbyshire' idea of marriage.This doesn't bode well for my prospects, as I am a dowerless spinster with no connections to recommend me.


I had a working interview this week. Another rendition of 'you're great, it's just not the right fit for you'. I'm beginning to wonder if there is a 'right fit'. Yes, I know it's only been three weeks that I've been looking, and I know that I am at least getting interviews. It's just that sometimes the powerlessness and lack of control really gets overwhelmingly depressing. I had no control over losing my job. I have no control over what jobs are available. I have no control over who calls me for an interview. I have no control over who offers me a job. I hate this. I have no say over a major part of my life and I absolutely hate it. (What's that? Control freak? Moi!? Don't be silly!)

I signed up for Wilton Cake Decorating 3 - fondant, gumpaste, stringwork, tiered cakes. More skills can only help, and class and homework will give me a bit of structure and an illusion of control.

I've been amusing myself by translating cocktails, truffles and classic pastries into cupcakes. It's still in the mental stage, but creative problem solving makes me feel better.

My novel.....bleh. I haven't had the will or the desire to look at it for the last few weeks. Yesterday I spent a couple of hours with it. It's complete and utter crap. It seems very unlikely that I'll have it even remotely readable in time for the June deadline. Do I want this dreck bound into a free paperback book? I don't think so . I might put the hard copy in a bonfire; it sure as hell isn't going into recycling. It might as well be useful. And fire is pretty.

Well-meaning people keep telling me to start my own business. I wish they'd stop. I'm not made for that either.