Cupcakes, Unemployment & Huge Tracts of Land

If I'd followed the example of my great-aunt Kitty, I'd be a well-to-do widow having a fling with the young man next door right about now. The opportunity to marry at all, let alone well, hasn't presented itself. At this point, it seems unlikely that it ever will. I don't seem to be made for that.

There are moments, especially now that I'm unemployed, that marriage sounds like a reasonable idea. I notice that I have the old-fashioned idea of marriage, the idea of marriage as an economic arrangement. The 'yes, she's plain and old, but she has huge tracts of land. ' and 'yes, he's surly, but he has 10,000 a year and owns half of Derbyshire' idea of marriage.This doesn't bode well for my prospects, as I am a dowerless spinster with no connections to recommend me.


I had a working interview this week. Another rendition of 'you're great, it's just not the right fit for you'. I'm beginning to wonder if there is a 'right fit'. Yes, I know it's only been three weeks that I've been looking, and I know that I am at least getting interviews. It's just that sometimes the powerlessness and lack of control really gets overwhelmingly depressing. I had no control over losing my job. I have no control over what jobs are available. I have no control over who calls me for an interview. I have no control over who offers me a job. I hate this. I have no say over a major part of my life and I absolutely hate it. (What's that? Control freak? Moi!? Don't be silly!)

I signed up for Wilton Cake Decorating 3 - fondant, gumpaste, stringwork, tiered cakes. More skills can only help, and class and homework will give me a bit of structure and an illusion of control.

I've been amusing myself by translating cocktails, truffles and classic pastries into cupcakes. It's still in the mental stage, but creative problem solving makes me feel better.

My novel.....bleh. I haven't had the will or the desire to look at it for the last few weeks. Yesterday I spent a couple of hours with it. It's complete and utter crap. It seems very unlikely that I'll have it even remotely readable in time for the June deadline. Do I want this dreck bound into a free paperback book? I don't think so . I might put the hard copy in a bonfire; it sure as hell isn't going into recycling. It might as well be useful. And fire is pretty.

Well-meaning people keep telling me to start my own business. I wish they'd stop. I'm not made for that either.

Rambling as Usual

Sometimes you have to make sacrifices for your art, which is how I found myself at Best Buy in search of a printer that would take photo paper and business card stock, something my little hand-me-down printer refused to do. I found a pretty awesome multi-function printer that was $30 off the regular price. Score. It installed easily, which was even more awesome.

So, newly updated portfolio in hand, I went off the the precipitating cause of this purchase. The ad for this place required that applicants come down to the shop, resume and portfolio in hand. I met the owner, and got the welcome news that of all the applicants, I am the only one who isn't currently in school. That means I am the only one with unlimited availability. Hopefully I'll be going in next week for a trial day.

It's a cool, funky little place. They were in the middle of making 2000 mini cupcakes for Artopia.
The dress code is an apron over whatever clothes one feels like wearing. I realized that I really like that idea. I have never been comfortable in a chef's jacket. Or jackets in general. I feel stifled and confined in a jacket. A fleece hoodie, on the other hand: perfect.

So upscale restaurant kitchens are not an option; I don't want to go through life feeling stifled. I want to wear people clothes and an apron. An apron with a Jolly Rodger on it, a Jolly Rodger comprised of an eye-patch-wearing cupcake with a whisk and a rolling pin crossed underneath. At heart, I seem to be a bakeshop girl. And that's ok.

And now, off to decide on a cake and bake it. And maybe have some breakfast.