Sunday, October 12, 2008

Lost

Here we are again
all of us in here (it's crowded in my head)
back at a crossroads
having thought we were in the right place
on the right path
only to find that maybe we're not
It seemed like a good fit
tactile, creative, varied and demanding
but now
faced with realities beyond our control
we aren't so sure
would we want to do this somewhere else?

Or is it time to consider a new direction?

Sometimes we think we're getting a bit old for this
We should have had ourselves sorted by now

Most people know what they're doing by this point
Know where they're going

Don't they?

Well into middle-age
and at least today
we still don't know
what we want to be when we grow up.

We had dreams, we have dreams,
and where we are at this moment
just doesn't match.

Knowledge of mortality has become more present over the last few months, bringing a bitter taste of risks not taken, adventures untried, skills not mastered. Depression is threatening to visit again, taking no notice of the 'no vacancy' sign.

I'm back in that uncomfortable place, with one voice shouting 'suck it up and get on with it' and another murmuring 'be where you are'. Too fuzzy to go within and listen with any sense of clarity. Or maybe just too lazy.

So, start where you are. Right. Where is that exactly?
Waiting. Waiting for others to make a decision that affects the immediate answer. Waiting for myself to answer the deeper question - where do I want to go, and how do I want to get there?







3 comments:

Ginger said...

it does totally suck that you're in such an uncertain place and it's completely understandable for you to feel the way you do.

remember to just keep breathing, stay centered, do your meditation and at least try to feel positive about the unknown future once every day...it will come to you.
if you don't feel like doing all that some days then remember i'm here for you.

eat some cookies :)

Ginger said...

and it was really good to see you and puppy today.

xoxo

Jenn said...

I am so in touch with this right now. Maybe there is something funky going on with the moon and it is going around. I hope you have a chance to do some soul searching soon :)