Sunday, June 15, 2008

Kate on the half-shell


This is me. Or how I am much of the time, hiding in my hard protective shell, only my eyes peeping out, pinchers ready to snap at anyone who gets too close.
It's not working for me anymore.

So, I'm exchanging my closed shell for an open one. First step, time to drop the pseudonym. I'm Kate. It occured to me that using the name of the virgin goddess of the hearth was perhaps not the best way to wade into new waters. Of course, Kate is short for Kathryn, which means "pure".........hmmmm. Maybe some sort of exorcism is needed.....
It could be a zen practice. Every moment, I choose how to respond. Every moment, I can repeat the years-long litany of 'i'm-not-here-i'm-not-here-you-can't-see-me-i'm-invisible-i'm-not-here' or I can choose differently. I'm Kate. I'm worth seeing. I'm right here.

4 comments:

Chucka Stone Designs said...

Well hello there Kate, it is nice to truly meet you. :~D

Us Crabs tend to be very "open" yet strangely weary of opening up huh? I know it may sound strange to others but I'm sure you totally get it. There are people in my life that I've known for decades who I sometimes feel don't know me at all but it is my fault because I never come out of my little shell enough for them to see me.

You are taking the brave first step and I applaud you for it!!!!! Just 6 more days! Yippie!

kate said...

Yup, Jenn, I totally get it. Did you ever see the comic strip in which the M&M is on the shrink's couch and says "I don't know Doc, I just can't seem to come out of my hard candy shell..." ? It's like that, all soft and sweet under a necessary yet burdensome protective barrier.
6 more days...bleh. Oh well, age ain't nuthin' but a number.....
And thanks for the applause, like many crabs I secretly adore the limelight :)

Bridgete said...

I was totally in the middle of commenting on this at the end of my work day on Monday and then realized it was time to go home so I was going to finish the comment later. I forgot until just now.

Anywho, I commend you for opening up your shell, it's a very brave first step. I'm very guarded in a different way, it's not so much a shell because people I trust can get close very easily. I guess it's more about getting past the horns for me (sticking to the astrology metaphor...Aries = ram).

Well Kate, it's very nice to truly meet you. Also, is the meaning of Kathryn the same with all spellings? That's my mom's name, although she goes by K.C. and has a different spelling than you do. Anyway, just curious. =)

kate said...

Hi Bridgete :). I think all the variations of Kathryn, K or C mean the same thing. I have a name book somewhere.....not too sure where....