Big pink houses

Friday I got an invitation to go along on a culinary walking tour of South Pearl Street. I parked in front of this house. It's for sale. Only $925,000. The first floor is a commercial space with a kitchen, the upstairs is residence. I've been inside, years ago. It used to be a metaphysical shop.

It's the kind of building that fuels my fantasy of having my own business, or a shared business. Imagine looking through that window and seeing pastries and chocolates, friends catching up over coffee and cake while waiting for their tarot reading. Sweet Disposition Cafe & Miss Najah's Hoodoo Emporium. Or something like that. Victorian charm, lots of foot traffic,

great little neighborhood. Great, extremely expensive little neighborhood. It's a good thing I don't really want my own business.

The tour took us to four places, three of which I really liked. Pajama Baking Company, Kaos Pizzeria, and The Village Cork - all three venues treated us really well. Pajama Baking Company and The Village Cork do lots of local sourcing for ingredients. Kaos imports many of their ingredients, including the flour, from Italy. Kaos and Pajama Baking Company have lovely shiny equipment; giant mixers, steam injecting ovens, massive walk-in, ice cream maker, blast freezer and the awesomely huge imported pizza oven. Over at The Village Cork, Chef Samir makes do with a small convection oven and a few tabletop burners. His kitchen isn't just open, it's surrounded on two sides by bar seating. Fortunately,he's outgoing and very passionate and enthusiastic about his work; he's on stage all night long.

He gets chicken from a freerange farm up in Boulder. He was describing how the chickens are slaughtered one by one, so that they don't know what's coming, and that classical music is playing during the process. All I could think of was the end of Soylent Green, when the old man goes to the assisted suicide center and watches a film of forests and deer and meadows while listening to Beethoven, Tchaikovsky and Grieg. And that episode of South Park in which Timmy's beloved turkey Gobbles escapes death. I might have missed a bit of what Chef Samir was saying right about then. Sometimes my mind wanders.

All three people were so passionate about their craft; I miss being passionate. I've lost all my passion; my novel, pastry, life in general...I have minimal to no enthusiasm for any of it. I've been here before. I know it won't last. But while it's going on I have to force myself to keep moving. Puppy really helps with this; she's quite pleased with my joblessness. She gets to go to the park everyday. Small achievements help: walking puppy, doing laundry, meeting the jobsearch quota, practing piping techniques. Any small, tangible thing that gives a sense, however delusional, of productivity and control.

I got the notice of tradename renewal in the mail. I registered Sweet Disposition a few years ago, just in case. I'm not sure I want to renew it; I'm not sure I'll ever use it. I might just let it go. I'm not sure. I'll just add that to the expanding pile of things I'm not sure about. That pile just keeps getting bigger.