Seven Years to the Day

I wish you hadn't been alone

and that my sister hadn't been the one to find you

sometimes it's funny that you died on April Fool's Day

and sometimes it seems like spite

I never understood your longing to be gone from this earth

to return to the stars

I didn't understand a lot about you

but enough to know

that the path of motherhood was not your first best destiny

that you loved us as best you could

but in your heart of hearts

we were not the life you would have chosen if you had been just a bit braver

but for myself and my sisters

I'm glad you chose the path you did

And while you are off flying free

the way you always wished to be

I will remember you

with the tangled mess of feelings

that seem inevitable between mother and daughter

with fire and air for you

with water and earth for me

a candle and incense

while I kneel in the snow or the rain that will fall today

and add a plant to the round patch of earth

that still has your pink flamingo in it.