new year?

i have no sense of a fresh start
of a slate wiped clean
the year does not feel brand new
it never does
it's the fallow time between harvest and planting
cold and bleak
the time of waiting in the darkness
planning for the spring
while living in the winter

pagan new year makes some sense
the year ends at samhain with the late harvest
and the world rests in darkness
until the winter solstice
it's gradual
and organic
not a sudden throwing of a switch
or the dropping of a ball

new year at spring equinox makes more sense
the earth is waking up
plants are sprouting
animals bear their young
the world feels new and fresh

who decided that january first was a good time
for the new year
and stuck it in between christmas and twelfth night
maybe they were tired of holidays
and wanted to get them all over with in a lump

it doesn't feel like a new year
no amount of bright lights and raucous parties
can make it so
it's artificial
and somehow desparate
frenzied merrymaking to distract from the fact that
Time is moving along
and can't be stopped
so drink too much booze
and stay up too late
and start off with a hangover
so its pounding can sound like a gallows drum
while resolutions are made for the coming year

i have no resolutions
because they are harsh
i drank water
because i was thirsty
i went to bed at 8:30
because i was tired

the calendar says it's a new year
in my world
it's tuesday