sometimes

sometimes i wish i lived by myself. no roommates, just puppy and the fish. the kitchen sink has been dripping for a while. b's solution has been to turn the hot water off unless it's being used. she gets all weepy and scared when told she needs to deal with it; it's her house. i said i'd help her with it, but she needs to take the initiative. last night i came home after yet another 11 hour day to find that someone had put a dish bucket in the kitchen sink and left it to catch the drips. it was overflowing into the sink. a couple more hours it would have overflowed onto the counter. i got soaking wet trying to empty it enough to lift. i left it on the counter with a note - the faucet is fixed, whoever left this in the sink can deal with it. i haven't seen either of them today; i left for work before they got up. tonight b is at a party, and l hasn't come out of her room. whether it's l trying to make a point to b, or one or both of them being passive-aggressive, i'm the one who got stuck with the mess. again. i didn't want to go to the hardware store and fix the damn faucet after working all day. deal with water everywhere while the culprits were off at a party.
they have their good points. i love them. but today i wanted to just stay at work rather than come home. i was calculating how much it would cost to live on my own. whether or not to take puppy. i learned while housesitting for chef that i can't leave puppy for a long time anymore, so she'd have to come with me. or i stay here until she dies. which could be years, happily she's a very healthy girl. i don't think i want to stay here for years. i don't like feeling obligated to stay here. i don't like that l doesn't pay rent. it's b's business, but it affects me. if l was paying her share, mine (and b's )would go down. i'm tired of l getting to impose her standards of cleanliness on the whole household - wtf. i'm sorry her mom's a crazy filthy packrat whose house is infested with vermin, but that doesn't mean everyone has to cater to l's compulsions. i really don't care if a dish or two is left in the sink overnight; it won' t keep me up.
i don't like living here right now. i don't feel like putting up with b's need for physical affection. sometimes i just don't want to be touched.
sometimes i just want to find my stuff in the same place i left it. i want my stuff where i want it. sometimes i just want my own space. my own physical space, not just a page in cyberspace.
sometimes, i just want to be left the hell alone.